English Driving

In my vast amounts of free time, I have found myself reflecting on driving in the UK. For the first time this summer, I experienced driving on the left side of the road, for three hours round trip to and from an archive in Northern England. The countryside was gorgeous; the traffic signs, baffling. Or at least, there was a learning curve.

I mastered the roundabout in relatively short time, but I was continually frustrated by the English inability to mark the shortest route to a landmark and to always OMIT the number of miles to said landmark. If you can get to a landmark by ANY road, even if it's the most backassward way possible, there's a sign pointing you down that road. And if you're an unsuspecting tourist, this means you can be utterly confused for miles on end. Case in point: my trip to Sherwood Forest. The English failed to tell me that the exit I was taking would take me about FORTY MILES before finally dropping me at my destination. They also failed to reassure me that I was on the right road at numerous intersections and roundabouts. I found myself in the middle of BFE wondering, "Did I miss something? Am I still on the right road?" Unless they tell you, apparently, you are supposed to continue in the direction they originally directed you, hoping on blind faith that you end up somewhere intelligible. Good times.

But all of this digression has gotten me away from my original intended topic: the crazy signs. Though I did not deign to do this before going to England, when it would have been logical, I have now looked up some of the more bizarre signage and road markings -- if only to mock them to others. Most are, as you will see, completely obvious, like OLD PEOPLE CROSSING:

Another obvious one: DAREDEVIL AHEAD.


The ever-popular BOOBS AHEAD:

And, of course, NO ROCKET-PROPELLED CARS (or NO DRIVING WHILE ON FIRE, depending on the shire).

And finally, one of my favorites warns you not to drive off the road into the water.

In case you needed that.

And in case you were wondering, no, there is absolutely no point to this. Just my own entertainment. Cheers!